- But the doughnut was calling my name.
- I felt left out because they were eating.
- But it was my birthday, so I had to eat the whole cake
- The kids over seas are starving, so naturally I have to clean my plate.
- I had to get the bitter taste out of my mouth from eating the so-called dish, so I had a ice cream.
- If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.
- If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are canceled out by the diet soda.
- When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you don't eat more than they do.
- Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER count, such as hot chocolate, brandy, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake.
- If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.
- Movie related foods (Milk Duds, Buttered Popcorn, Junior Mints, Red Hots, Tootsie Rolls, etc.) do not have additional calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel.
- Cookie pieces contain no fat-- the process of breaking causes fat leakage. Exception: Cookies sold by TEXAS D'LITES distributors. Great "Meal Replacement" with little or no FAT content, low in calories, lots of fiber, protein, and other nutritional ingredients.
- Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something. Examples are peanut butter on a knife making a sandwich and ice cream on a spoon making a sundae.
- Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories. Examples are: spinach and pistachio ice cream; mushrooms and white chocolate. NOTE: Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other food color.
- Foods that are frozen have no calories because calories are units of heat. Examples are ice cream, frozen pies, and Popsicles.
- Only eat things that have been broken into pieces; that way, all the calories fall out.
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Hi friends, Madtbone here! Kate Purcell has submitted a bunch of diet humor which I'll list below. I hope you enjoy them!
My appetite is my shepherd
My appetite is my shepherd, I always want.It maketh me sit down and stuff myself.It leadeth me to my refrigerator repeatedly,Sometimes during the night.It leadeth me in the path of Burger King for a Whopper.It destroyeth my shape.Yea, though I knoweth I gaineth, I will not stop eating,For the food tasteth so good.The ice cream and the cookies, they comfort me.When the table is spread before me, it exciteth me.For I knoweth that I sooneth shall dig in.As I filleth my plate continuously,My clothes runneth smaller.Surely bulges and pudgies shall follow meAll the days of my life.And I shall be "pleasingly plump" forever.
Let's eat!
author unknown
Kate Purcell, RN
- Overheard at McDonald's.... " There are no calories in this. Look how small these chicken nuggets are and there are so few of them. I eat them every day."
- 'Eat off someone else's plate. The calories don't count if its not your food.' Words of wisdom from Rach.
- I can't start a diet today. It's not Monday and everybody knows diets don't work unless they are started on a Monday, (unfortunately every Monday in my case!) So I'll just have to pig out for the next 6 days and wait for Monday to roll round again.
- I can't afford to buy the new clothes that I'll need if I lose weight so I'll just have to stay this size!
- I was just testing your ice cream in case it had gone off, and I didn't want you to be sick! I wasn't certain so I had to keep having another spoonful to make sure.
- By the time I'm thin fat will be in!!!
- It wasn't a chocolate �clair, it was a funny looking stick of celery!
- If you don't finish the donut, then it's calories don't add to your list from Weight Watchers.
- If you eat the broken biscuits, the calories have all leaked out.
- I'm not Overweight, I'm Undertall!
- I'm not fat, I just retain water. I f I could take a 12-hour pee, I'd be ripped.
- Since round is a shape, I can eat more to get in shape.
- I have just been onto your Web Site and found it really interesting and thought I would send you the best excuse that I have heard as a Weight Watcher Leader, when weighing a member in at the scales.
- I'm a weight loss coach, my diet excuse is the one I saw on a poster of a large panda, in my doctor's office. The caption was: "I'm not fat; I'm just fluffy."
- If you chew your food long enough you will kill the calories.
- My doctor said I shouldn't over starve myself.
- I went ahead and ate the rest today, so I can be good tomorrow.
- I'm not sure if you already have this one, but here it goes: If you put your food, be it cake or vegetables, on a treadmill before you eat it, it has less calories. Shape it up anyway you want. i just thought of it watching biggest loser. I don't know if it was lodged somewhere in my brain already or not, but yeah. so there you go.
- I was too busy to go on a diet, I had to walk the dog, do the cleaning, pick up the children from school... after that I was soo tired I had to have an entire packet of chocolate biscuits or I would have been too tired to order the takeaway pizza for tea.
The member had gained weight and when asked - "do you know why this has happened" she quickly replied - "yes, I went to McDonalds and had a large Big Mac Meal, and I forgot I was on Weight Watchers"
And believe it or not, the woman was genuine that she had forgot.... Bless her.
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